I think I love you...So what am I so afraid of?

Everyone looks forward to the weekend and every weekend usually brings along an exciting event or time to enjoy yourself.
This weekend for me will go down as one of the weekends to remember not because it was the most action packed or fun-filled but because it was turning point of all the things that have recently come to pass and made me believe that anything is possible.

Nothing conformed to convention but it all exceeded expectations and the relief of things not going the way they should have left me feeling lighter than air.
Someone who's honesty had upset me greatly in the past actually gave me inspiration, a person who thought they'd let me down gave me a great gift by challenging me to do something I never would have done and a person who's talent I admired turned out to admire me too.

Most of all I completely and utterly fell in love with writing for performance all over again.
I have been struggling with one of my projects so much recently I had forgotten all of the reasons I became so committed to creating it in the first place.
Through a complete accident I was forced into writing a small piece of theatre in a very short space of time and it made me realise that the most important thing is an idea, that the possibilities are endless and that discipline is half the battle. I found myself in position which gave me a kickstart to all those things and whilst I wouldn't exactly describe it as a walk in the park I would say it felt like a refreshing sea breeze - neither of which are easy metaphors to summon when you live in the middle of a city like London.
I re-discovered that what you write is like the start of a relay race and it must be passed on to the cast and crew who then pass it on to the audience.
If you have written something just pass it on, the worst thing that could happen might not be as difficult as creating it was and the best thing that could happen is that it could turn out better than you ever imagined it.

For me this weekend writing for theatre felt like kissing someone for the first time.
The desire can completely take over you but the fear can be crippling and whilst the experience can sometimes be disappointing it can also totally blow your mind.
You know how to do it, you've done it before yet you have no idea what might happen so you might think about it for ages, you worry, maybe even talk about it too much, perhaps you procrastinate but then you do it - this intimate thing that comes from your soul - and whether it is good bad or ugly; it makes you feel alive.

Once you kiss someone once there's usually a lingering question about whether you'll kiss again.
You want to do it, but you want it to be right and you're scared of what it might lead to, or worse that it might not lead to anything.
I don't know if the things that happened this weekend will ever happen again or if they do if they'll be as good but there's one thing I do know.
There's lots of reasons to love whatever it is you love but there's always more reasons to be scared of loving it.
The only way to make sure one doesn't overtake the other is just to keep doing it.
If you're doing someting big, take a break and do something small.
If things aren't going to plan, then plan something different.
But if you don't keep doing it then you might forget why you wanted to do it - and that is definately scarier than anything else that could possibly happen.